


i don't think i can stand to be where you don't see me

by Eliza_Rose



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Angst, Pining, Pre-Relationship, asami misses korra so badly, i sprinkled in some meelo hate, kyalin isn't really in this it's just mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:41:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26909800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eliza_Rose/pseuds/Eliza_Rose
Summary: snippets of asami's headspace while korra is awayset in between books 3 and 4
Relationships: Korra/Asami Sato, Lin Beifong/Kya II
Comments: 5
Kudos: 108





	i don't think i can stand to be where you don't see me

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone! I'm continuing my brand of naming every fic I write after a mitski song. I wrote this because I was having writers block for my other fic -it's called "stay with me (hold my hand)" if you would like to read it.
> 
> anyways, enjoy!

_Dear Korra,_

_I miss you. It’s not the same in Republic City without you._

Asami had written that letter to Korra three weeks ago. She still hadn’t heard back. To be fair, it’s not like she’d heard from Korra the other two years she’d been gone. Asami tried really, really hard not to be bitter about it. But she couldn’t help herself. Korra was her _best friend_ and she didn’t even bother to write her back. _No. Korra is healing. You aren’t entitled to a letter back._ Was Korra even thinking of her? _Is she thinking of me like I think of her every day?_

_Stop. It’s only ten a.m., too early for a breakdown._ She told herself. 

Though, it was hard not to have a breakdown when every day was the same. Wake up, go to work, come home. Most of the time, she didn’t even know what day it was. Every week blended together into one, long, miserable existence. The engineer sat at her desk staring at a pile of blueprints and paperwork. Raiko had employed her in reconstructing the city around the spirit vines. Of course, she was happy to help, but right now she couldn’t focus. 

_It’s not the same in Republic City without you._

_I’m not the same without you._

And it was true. If only to those who knew her well. Mako was worried, but she continued to brush him off. She felt a little guilty about it, but they didn’t see each other often enough nowadays for it to even matter.

She looked down at the plan she was working on. 

_Wheelchair ramps. Because of Korra. Figures._

_Isn’t everything you do because of her?_

_Not everything._

_Sure._

Asami liked to have these internal debates with herself. Maybe not _liked,_ but they made her feel less alone. 

_Alone._

Yeah, that’s what she was. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


She breaks down in front of Pema one day. Embarrassingly so, but she hadn’t cried in months. It was long overdue. Pema offered for her to move back to Air Temple Island. She agreed. It would be nice to not feel so completely and utterly _alone._

Missing Korra was part of it, she thought. But Bolin and Mako hadn’t been around much either. With Mako’s job and Bolin off with Kuvira, they hadn’t seen each other in a while. Asami wondered if Korra had written to them. 

Living on Air Temple Island was nice. She ate most meals with Tenzin and his family, helped Jinora study, read books to Ikki, and…well, she tolerated Meelo. That boy was a handful. She helped with Rohan whenever she could, and she wrote to Korra. It was nice. For the first time since Korra had left, Asami could say she was truly happy.

Though, she would lay awake at night sometimes wondering what Korra was doing. What she was thinking. If she could walk or bend again. And sometimes she would just cry. She put on a brave face for Tenzin’s family, and when she was at work. She didn’t need everyone else to see that she’d been the best she could possibly be. 

One day, Ikki mentioned that Korra should have a statue like Aang. She said it in passing, rattling off the first thought that came to her brain like any nine-year-old might. But Asami took that to heart. She got permission from Raiko to renovate the park and rename it, along with the statue. She didn’t build it, of course. But she designed it. 

When it was finished, Asami ate her lunch there everyday. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


She met Lin at a bar one evening. It was a complete accident.

Asami had gone to get a drink to get her mind off of things. Off of Korra, mostly. It wasn’t working. She was staring down into her half empty vodka tonic when she heard a voice from beside her.

“Maybe if you stare at that glass long enough it’ll magically fill back up again.” Asami looked up to see Lin standing beside her. She wasn’t wearing her uniform which was terribly unsettling for some reason. Instead, she was wearing grey pants, a dark green shirt and a dark grey jacket. 

“Lin! Hi.” Asami said as she found her voice again.

“Hey, kid. Mind if I sit here? I’m not usually one for company, but you look like you could use it.” Lin gestured to the barstool next to her. 

“Of course.” Asami nodded. Lin sat down and ordered herself a drink. 

“So…” Lin started. “What’s on your mind? You seem troubled.”

“You don’t have to tell me.” She added quickly. “I just thought I would...ask” 

Asami thought Lin was being weird. She gave her a quizzical look.

“Look, I’m no good at this, but Kya keeps telling me I should be nicer to you guys so I’m taking her advice for once. Take it or leave it.”

“Kya? I didn’t know you guys were friends.” Asami was a bit surprised, but then felt silly because of course they would be. They probably grew up together.

“Well, we did basically grow up together.” _Idiot._

“Oh, right.” Asami looked back down at her glass. Should she tell Lin? _Tell her what? That you’re madly in love with Korra?_

“I just-” Asami faltered. “I miss Korra. I miss her so much. I wish she would write to me to at least let me know she was okay. She just left! She wouldn’t let me come with her and I didn’t even get to tell her-” Asami stopped abruptly when she realized the volume at which she was speaking. “Sorry for yelling.”

“It’s fine.” Lin looked over at Asami. “I know how you feel. I miss Kya every day, though she does write to me. She says Korra can walk again, if that makes you feel any better.”

“I just wish she’d tell me that! I know I’m being selfish. Korra went through a trauma that I will _never_ understand but I- I don’t know.” Asami sighed. 

“It’s okay, Kid. You are entitled to those feelings. Besides, I know how you feel about Korra.” Asami looked up. 

“Y- you do?” 

“Well, I’m not _blind._ You might have me confused for my mother. I saw how you looked at her even before she was hurt. And anyways, I have some experience in that area.” 

“You do?” Asami asked again, intrigued. 

“Oh well, I guess the cat’s out of the bag now-” Lin looked sort of...nervous? “Kya and I are dating. Well, we have been for years.”

Asami was shocked. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t known that. Though, now that she thought about it, both of them gave off that _vibe._

“Oh! I never knew!” 

“We don’t really shout it from the rooftops, but I guess I just didn’t even think to tell you guys. Neither did she, apparently.”

Asami let that sink in. She had never met another woman who also liked other women. Well, at least that she knew of. This was strangely comforting information. Even if Lin was like the least comforting person to exist. 

“Is it weird that I find it comforting to know that?” Asami asked.

“Not really.” Lin shook her head but didn’t elaborate. “Listen. Why don’t you go home and get some rest. You look like you need it, no offense. But maybe later, if you still don’t hear from Korra, you could write to Kya instead. She would be happy to answer your questions.” 

“I’ll definitely keep that in mind. Thanks, Chief.” Asami smiled at her.

“No problem.” Lin put her hand on Asami’s shoulder. “Now get out of here.”

Asami nodded and exited the bar. _That was totally the strangest conversation I’ve ever had._

* * *

Driving relaxed Asami. It was a cool night as Asami drove around the empty streets of Republic City. Asami was sobbing as she drove. Why did she keep doing this to herself? She had been pining after Korra with thousands of miles of distance between them for longer than she had known her in person. Korra knew her better on paper than in real time. That was, if Korra was even reading her letters. Asami couldn’t believe that her feelings were still this strong, even after two years. She thought she would have moved on by now. Love can’t exist unless you put some effort into it. She wasn’t putting effort in. Loving Korra just happened to her. It came as easily as breathing and she didn’t even try. Part of her was angry that she hadn’t moved on. Angry at Korra for making her fall in love and then just leave her. _Not her fault._ Angry at herself for still holding these feelings, even after so long. But most of her was relieved she hadn’t moved on. As much as it hurt, a life without Korra completely was worse than one with her at a distance. 

_Maybe that’s why you painted your car blue._

If there’s one thing Asami regrets the most it’s not going to the South Pole with Korra.

_She told you no. She didn’t want you to leave your whole life behind just for her._

_I would have dropped everything to be there for her._

_And she knew that._

_Did she?_

_Yeah, she did._

_I love her. I love her._

“I love her.” Asami sobbed. _And I’ll miss her as long as she needs me to._

  
  


* * *

  
  


When Asami arrived back at her apartment, she checked the mailbox as always before walking inside. She’s rarely there anymore, spending most of her time on Air Temple Island, but tonight she wanted to be alone. She tossed her mail on the table, but before she could walk away something caught her eye. She looked closer. 

_Korra._

Her heart dropped into her stomach. Asami picked up the envelope with trembling hands. She opened it.

_Dear Asami,_

  
Asami felt like a great weight was lifted off of her shoulders. As she read the letter through the tears in her eyes she felt like she could finally breathe for the first time in _years._ Korra had written her back. It meant she still cared. She still cared and she hadn’t forgotten about her.

Yeah, Asami would be okay for a little while.

**Author's Note:**

> i always make sure to insert a little kyalin into every korrasami fic
> 
> thank you so much for reading! leave me a comment if you so desire
> 
> -eliza


End file.
